everyone is posting there back to school posts and photos and i’m still at home searching for a job. i’m crushed. i feel so lost without my art room. i should be at school reorganizing the tables, and cleaning the art bins.

this is the first year ever that i have not returned to school- besides when i was an infant/toddler, that is before i started going to school. i have always been in the routine of returning to school after summer. and now, i very well might not be. most of my identity is wrapped up in school, in teaching- in my art room. being an art teacher is all i ever wanted to be, and now what- I have to give it up for a year? maybe more? who knows?? this sucks. plain and simple sucks. nine years of teaching. undergrad and grad degree going to waste right now. i belong in the classroom. i am great at what i do. i love what i do. it’s not just a job for me. it’s more than that.

so as everybody posts their back to school shots i feel the anxiety stir in my chest. what grand reason am i being held back a year? is there a plan here? people keep saying it will get better, but when?

i can make a lot of great things happen for wherever i end up. i hope they see that in me. i hope i can convey that. i can do a lot for them. and wherever it is, i assume it is meant to be. i just hope it is sooner than later.